J.Crew Vs J. Peterman

I've just clicked on the ‘shopping’ bookmark in my browser and found only two names:

J.Crew
J. Peterman

Notice anything? I've decided that I must eliminate one, lest I begin to look, well, predictable. I'll do so with a very fair point system.

Let’s begin:

The ‘J’ in J.Crew, to the best of my knowledge, stands for nothing.
The ‘J’ in J. Peterman stands for John.

POINT: PETERMAN

J.Crew currently has 17 categories listed under “Women,” on which I can spend money I don't, in fact, have.
J. Peterman only has 10.
This is a tricky one to judge, depending on how you feel about credit, interest and the opportunity to stimulate your economy. I'm personally a huge fan of stimulation, of any kind.

POINT: CREW

J.Crew was alluded to in the hit sitcom FRIENDS.
J. Peterman was AN ACTUAL CHARACTER in the world’s most perfect sitcom ever, SEINFELD.

POINT: PETERMAN

J.Crew has nautical sweaters for puppies.
J. Peterman sells exotic caftans made OUT of puppies, and yaks, and tumble weed. . .

POINT: PETERMAN
(Way to think out of the box. PETA can suck it.)

J.Crew has very pretty pictures that make me genuinely believe that their Claudine blouse also comes with a very pretty man who serves halves of pink grapefruits to me in my bed, which is located at the end of a dock, somewhere in the Ozarks.
J.Peterman has sketches, no pretty men in sight.

Hmmm. This is a tough one, because though I love the pretty-men-pictures, I am always a bit disappointed when I pull the wrinkled and somewhat obnoxiously-hued Claudine blouse from the box and find that the rest of the things are not included. No pretty man, no halved grapefruit that brilliantly sets off the pinkness of my morning glow, no Ozarks. Just an invoice that, if I look closely, is sure to bring up the bile in my gut. So if I judge this like a responsible adult would. . . Oh, screw it. I love those pictures.

POINT: CREW

J.Crew sends me regular emails, which leads me to believe they return my affections.
J. Peterman doesn't call, he doesn't write. Sigh.

POINT: CREW

Have tallied the score and, shockingly, it is a tie.

Have decided to hold a tie-breaking, winner-takes-all round.

The first ‘J’ to contact me regarding sponsoring my site and supplying me with a lifetime supply of their merchandise will remain in my browser permanently. A timely response is requested.